Obama – McCain: Let the Debates Begin

Barack Obama has said that he would agree to 3 debates. I’m sure there will be at least that many, but it really doesn’t matter. If you had watched any of the debates during the primaries, you saw a pattern emerge where the issues were totally ignored and the salacious stories found its way into the debate.

Here are my expectations of how a McCain-Obama debate may go since the League of Women Voters are no longer involved in the questioning (which is a disgrace in and of itself). It’s a rather light-hearted post but after my day on Monday I needed this almost comic relief.

Announcer: Live from Tampa, Florida. The 2008 NBC – ABC Presidential Debate with Republican nominee John McCain and Democratic nominee Barack Obama. Your moderators tonight are Brian Williams and George Stephanopoulos. And now Brian Williams.

Brian Williams: Thank you Don Pardo. We have been flooded with requests from viewers requesting that tonight’s debate only discuss the issues and that is what we intend to do. And without further adieu, we being tonight’s debate with a brief opening from each candidate. Senator Obama, you have won the toss backstage and elected to go first. Senator Obama.

Barack Obama: Thank you Brian Williams, George Stephanopoulos, Tampa, viewers at home. I am honored to be standing before you tonight as the Democratic Party’s nominee for President of the United States of America. Today, we are faced with the decision of selecting the person who will have the overwhelming task of repairing 8 years of harm caused by President Bush, the worst commander in chief this country has every seen.

Over the next 4 years, we must address the War in Iraq, refocusing on Osama Bin Laden and Afghanistan, the Oil crisis, renewable energy, Health Care, the Economy, our infrastructure, the global market, ending Global Warming and a myriad of other issues either ignored or exacerbated by the current administration.

Tonight, after our debate on these key issues, you will have enough confidence that there is only one clear-cut choice for who can lead this country over the next 4 years. That person will be me.

George Stephanopoulos: Thank you Senator Obama. Senator McCain, it is your turn.

John McCain: Thank you my friends. I am humbled and honored to stand before you today here in Tampa, Florida. As we debate the issues today, my friends, I will explain how the surge has worked and we are about to be successful in the war on terror. In the great words of Ronald Reagan, “A people free to choose will always choose peace.”

My opponent tonight will try to scare you throughout the debate. That skinny guy, with the funny name and the big ears with all those nice big words will try to tell you that I am the third term for President Bush. My friends, he will paint me as an old man who is forgetful. That flip-flopper to my left will tell you that I am in the pocket of Big Oil and do not support the troops. Me, my friends. He is saying that I, John McCain, former POW and war hero does not support the troops.

Tonight, my friends, you will see my opponent for what he really is. And you will decide that I am the right person for the job of president. Thank you, my friends.

George Stephanopoulos: Thank you Senator McCain. Senator Obama, the first question is for you. Last night, I was having drinks with Sean Hannity and he asked me to ask you the first question. For Americans to elect a president, they should feel that they would be voting for someone who loves their country as much as they do. John McCain demonstrated this love back in 1967 when he was captured and beaten and held as a POW. We have seen you refuse to wear an American flag lapel pin, refuse to put your hand on your heart during the Star Spangled Banner, give your wife, Michelle, a terrorist fist jab, spend 20 years at a church with an angry preacher, take a picture with your father who is a Muslim, place your hand on the Koran while being sworn into the United States Senate. You have said that you hope we lose the war, refuse to support the troops and went to Germany while you should have stayed in your homeland campaigning for the presidency. You are inexperienced and have flip-flopped on many issues. Why do you feel that you are the Chosen One? You have 30 seconds.

Barack Obama: Really? This is staying on the issues? You have asked a question for one minute using every smear the Republicans have used and only allowing me 30 seconds to reply. If you go to my website: BarackObama.com you will see all of these smears debunked. You have mentioned the troops. I have supported a measure in the Senate that will provide the troops …

Brian Williams: Sorry, Senator Obama. You are out of time.

The next question is for you Senator McCain. During your barbeque last weekend, you were overheard telling some reporters that you have a way to reduce the price of oil within 6 weeks after getting sworn in. Can you please elaborate?

John McCain: Absolutely, Brian. In fact, I was happy to see you and your wife, Jane there. I hope you enjoyed yourself. I tried out a new recipe for the chicken wings that Cindy put together. I thought they were pretty good, myself.

Well, my friends, we can quickly reduce the price of oil if we just force Congress to lift the ban on offshore drilling. This Democrat-led ban is forcing us to remain dependent on these foreign countries who want to harm America and Americans. Senator Obama is against America becoming independent of these evil doers. Drilling offshore will lower the cost of oil and create jobs right here in Tampa since we’d be drilling right off of this coast.

George Stephanopoulos: Thank you Senator McCain. Here is another question for you. But first, those ribs were delicious. My wife has asked me to get that recipe.

John McCain: {Laughing} It was nice to see Alexandra again.

George Stephanopoulos: Great. You have said that you know to win wars and that you can win wars. You also said that by winning the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, that you will be able to balance the budget by the end of your first term. Can you explain how you would win these wars?

John McCain: Yes, my friends. I have been a POW during Viet Nam and have a clear understanding on how to win wars. Once we win the wars, the money we would save, would immediately balance our budget. But, my friends, our enemies may be watching this debate tonight. And if they are, and if I provide the plans I have to win these wars, Al Qaeda and the other enemies would learn of them as well. So, my friends, I would have to say that I can not share these with you today in order to protect this country from future attacks.

Brian Williams: Very good, Senator McCain. The last question before our first commercial break will be to you Senator Obama. You had said that you don’t look like the other people on the money. Your campaign has said on ABC’s Good Morning America that you were playing the race card with that comment. Care to elaborate?

Barack Obama: I was not playing the race card. I was saying … making a point that I am younger than those faces on the bills. I am also not a Washington insider. Uh, I don’t understand how this is staying on the issues. It is distraction politics and you’re using Karl Rove tactics to distract us from the real issues that plague our country. The reasons why …

Brian Williams: Sorry, Senator Obama. I’m afraid that we are out of time for this first segment. During the commercial break, we will be sharing some chicken and ribs with the audience using Senator John McCain’s secret recipe. But right now, here is a commercial from our sponsor: Exxon-Mobil.

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