Last night, Presumptive Republican Presidential nominee John McBush McCain gave a speech in New Orleans, Louisiana. It was designed to squelch some of the momentum gained from Barack Obama’s Democratic victory yesterday. With the possible exception of Fox News, it doesn’t appear that anyone really noticed.
McCain spoke in the city that was devastated by Hurricane Katrina. It makes you wonder if he thought about the cake he shared with Bush while the city was under water.
Watching this man speak is reminiscent to Prince Valium from the Mel Brooks classic Space Balls. Here are the lowlights: (My friends-ometer will announce the total at the end of this post).
“My friends, good evening from the great city of New Orleans.”
The cake is on me.
“Tonight, we can say with confidence the primary season is over, and the general election campaign has begun.”
Hey, Hillary. Even McCain can see that this is over.
“Sen. Obama has impressed many Americans with his eloquence and his spirited campaign.”
How the hell am I going to battle with him on a level playing field, thought McCain?
In referring to Clinton, McCain said this. “I am proud to call her my friend.” Does this count in the my-friend-ometer? I’ll say, yes.
“This is, indeed, a ‘change’ election. No matter who wins this election, the direction of this country is going to change dramatically.”
True. Obama will change the direction of the country and return us to a better place. McCain, on the other hand, will change us from war to more war and from bad economy to horrible economy.
“The right change recognizes that many of the policies and institutions of our government have failed. They have failed to keep up with the challenges of our time, because many of these policies were designed for the problems and opportunities of the mid- to late 20th century, before the end of the Cold War, before the revolution in information technology and rise of the global economy.”
“The right kind of change will initiate widespread and innovative reforms in almost every area of government policy: health care, energy, the environment, the tax code, our public schools, our transportation system, disaster relief, government spending and regulation, diplomacy, the military and intelligence services.”
Ok. Stop it, John. You’re embarrassing yourself. Your speech is only reassuring that Obama is the right man to lead this country. He is the man for change.
“When Americans confront a catastrophe, they have a right to expect basic competence from their government.”
If they hadn’t thought about your cake before, they would have now. By the way, John, having a cake with the President while a city is under water shows a lack of basic competence.
“Our disgraceful failure to do so here in New Orleans exposed the incompetence of government at all levels to meet even its most basic responsibilities.”
It makes you just want to pound your head against the wall, doesn’t it?
“I have a few years on my opponent, so I am surprised that a young man has bought in to so many failed ideas.”
A few years? You have nearly a few decades!
“You will hear from my opponent’s campaign in every speech, every interview, every press release that I’m running for President Bush’s third term. You will hear every policy of the president described as the Bush-McCain policy.
“Why does Sen. Obama believe it’s so important to repeat that idea over and over again? Because he knows it’s very difficult to get Americans to believe something they know is false.”
That’s right, McBush. As Bush said – you have to keep repeating things over and over again for the truth to sink in. You gotta catapult the propaganda. Heh, heh.
“They know I have a long record of bipartisan problem-solving. They’ve seen me put our country before any president, before any party, before any special interest, before my own interests.”
McBush. See numbers above. And how many lobbyists do you have on your campaign now?
“And I would be ashamed to admit I knew what had to be done in Iraq to spare us from a defeat that would endanger us for years, but I kept quiet because it was too politically hard for me to do.”
So if you disagreed with him on all that you say, why did you keep your mouth shut? Senator Obama, while in the Illinois legislature, spoke out against the Iraq War when it was politically dangerous to do so.
His speech droned on and on. His slogan is going to be: That’s not a change we can believe in. Good, a short negative spin. He said that he looks forward to the debate with Obama. So do I.
“I’ll reach out my hand to anyone, Republican or Democrat, who will help me change what needs to be changed, fix what needs to be fixed, and give this country a government as capable and good as the people it is supposed to serve.”
Heh, heh. Joe Lieberman is a Democrat. Heh, heh.
“I have seen Republicans and Democrats achieve great things together. When the stakes were high and it mattered most, I’ve seen them work together in common purpose, as we did in the weeks after September 11. This kind of cooperation has made all the difference at crucial turns in our history. It has given us hope in difficult times. It has moved America forward.
“And that, my friends, is the kind of change we need right now.”
Yes, my friends (only 4 – your getting slow in your, er, really old age), that is the kind of same change we need right now.
It is clear what type of campaign McBush will run. Lies, fantasy, hope (that no one is really paying attention), fear. The clue is giving the speech in New Orleans.
As Marie-Antoinette supposedly said: Let them eat cake.