This is from an email that is making the rounds. I have formatted it and added a couple of my own.
[Update: Many of these can be found in a posting on That Minority Thing. The Conservative Palinguage Guide Vols. 1 and 2. It’s absolutely brilliant. Thanks to Cats at Pennsylvania for Change for directing me to the source.]
I’m a little confused. Let me see if I have this straight…..
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If you grow up in Hawaii and are raised by your grandparents - You are “exotic, different.”
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If you grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers - You are the quintessential American story.
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If your name is Barack - You are a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.
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If you name your kids Willow, Trig and Track - You are a maverick.
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If you graduate from Harvard Law School - You are unstable.
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If you attend 5 different small colleges before graduating - You are well-grounded.
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If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate’s Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran’s Affairs committees,
- You don’t have any real leadership experience.
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If your total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city council 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people,
- You are qualified to become the country’s second highest ranking executive.
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If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches - You are not a real Christian.
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If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, - You are a Christian.
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If you teach responsible, age-appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control - You are eroding the fiber of society.
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If, while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state’s school system while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant - You are very responsible.
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If you run a high-road campaign, debating this issues and free of smear - You are a liar who can’t be trusted.
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When you run a slimy, smear-filled campaign, out-of-touch with the issues, and constantly lie about your opponent (and even Karl Rove says you have stretched the truth) - You are a straight-talker and a leader.
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If you discuss ways to improve our struggling economy, offer plans to tackle the needs of middle-class Americans and offer an exit strategy from the Iraq War (one that should never have been fought and you opposed from the beginning.) - You are a typical Washington insider who will only offer more of the same.
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If you have served 26 years in Washington, voted with the failed policies of President Bush 90% of the time and think that everything is going fine in the economy - You are change we can believe in.
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Oh, that’s part of the Palanguage. I posted something to that effect in my September Short Shorts.
I have been trying to work back through the email to find the original author so I could give the credit.
I read this and loved it.